Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Why It's Hard Being A Horror Fan

(This is slightly modified from when my blog used to be hosted on Fangoria’s website.)

10. You have to complain when directors take the basic plot from an older film and tell an otherwise different story, yet list The THING (1982), THE FLY (1986) and/or 1972'S LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (with its basic plot "inspired" by 1960's THE VIRGIN SPRING) among your favorite horror films.

9. You have to complain when American films rip off older horror movies, yet praise films from other countries that do the same thing because they're either "homages" or "responses" to these films.

8. When a new horror film comes out, you have to point out how "unoriginal" it is based upon any plot point or camera angle that bears any resemblance to an older film, while also complaining about how new horror films aren’t more like older films. Again, non-American films are typically exceptions to this rule.

7. You have to complain about how new horror directors "suck", even though your "all-time favorite director" hasn't put out a decent film in years. When this director finally releases a new film, you have to point out how much it also "sucks" based upon all of the ways it's both unlike his previous films and how he has no new ideas.

6. You have to complain when horror films have no character development or when they spend too much time focusing on the characters before the horror finally starts, but only when this happens in new films, not older films.

5. You have to complain about "neutered" PG-13 horror films and gratuitous nudity, violence and/or gore in R-rated films.

4. You have to complain about how new horror films either "aren't scary" or "have an inconsistent tone" (usually by saying, "it can't decide if it wants to be a horror movie or a comedy"), while listing BRAINDEAD/DEAD ALIVE, SHAUN OF THE DEAD, and/or RE-ANIMATOR among your favorite films.

3. You have to complain that "torture porn" films feature violence and gore in place of character development and how they aren't nearly as violent or bloody as your favorite "classic gorefest".

2. You have to complain when CGI looks fake in new films, while praising older films with obviously fake-looking blood, latex/make-up effects, monster suits or stop-motion animation.

1. As if this wasn't hard enough, you have to do all of these things while at the same time complaining about how mainstream critics don't respect the genre and the intelligence of its fans.


Anonymous said...

Preach it, brother. You just nailed a huge segment of horror fans whom I can't fucking stand.